tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70759779543181384382024-03-06T10:36:42.624+08:00Live Pray LoveMy ordinary storymasy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.comBlogger141125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-16748512915272059402016-09-21T23:48:00.000+08:002016-09-22T23:51:31.707+08:00She's gone....<div style="text-align: justify;">
Bismillah. </div>
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Salam.</div>
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Today marks the second month since my mother passed away. I don't know how am I going to write this but I'll try. I'm going to write the chronology before she died because maybe someday, I'm afraid I'll forget about it. So here goes...</div>
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My father decided to send my mother to the hospital the second of Raya because she's so weak. When we arrived there, she was put in the ICU. She was there for about 7-8 hours before she can be put in ward. The first week she was in the ward, her health seems to improve a little. She can ate rice porridge. Before this, she couldn't. In the end of the first week, the doctors gave us a shocking news. Apparently my mother has a tumor at her heart. The diameter is 7 cm. It is not cancer, just a tumor. The doctors didn't suggest surgery because of the age factor. But they said they will monitor and gave suitable medicine to ease my mother's illness. My mother was 62 year old. It's kind of a blow for our family you know. The second week, she's not getting better. I couldn't see her because of work but my sister told me her health is deteriorating. I'm really worried and just to pray to Allah to give her good health.</div>
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<u>20 July</u></div>
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2.50 pm. I got a phone call from the nurse that take care of mother. She asked me to inform all of my siblings to come and see my mother. I asked her "Is it time for her to...?" and she's just say yes. I ended the call and called my second eldest sister. Her workplace is near with the hospital so she can go first. After wrap up everything (I was in the class at that moment), I took my things, asked permission and went straight to the hospital. When I arrived, I couldn't stop my tears from falling. Usually, I stopped myself from crying. But that day, I couldn't. Why? Because her eyes were moving in all directions. I called her. She didn't respond. At all. My eldest sister came and I hugged her and cried. Then, the doctor came. He explained to me that my mother has somewhat struggled with her breathing. So they have to inject morphine to calm her down. And he said sorry. Why? After that, I saw my second eldest sister. She said she came early and the doctor has explained everything to her. Apparently, when the nurse called me, my mother has stopped breathing at that moment but soon recovered after that. Doctor gave a timeline to us. She will be gone whether today or tomorrow. So I Whatsapp-ed everybody about that and my brothers came home. We spent the whole day at the hospital. At night, my mother has fell into a coma. </div>
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<u>21 July</u></div>
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I went home after Subuh prayer. Slept for a couple of hours before heading back to the hospital. Her condition was still the same. We kept saying syahadah to her ears, hoping that she could say it at least silently. Relatives come and go. Reciting surah Yasin. Read the Quran for her. We siblings take turn taking care of her. But we were all there. 6.00 pm. Me, my father and my second eldest sister decided to go back home first to change our clothes etc. So we left my mother with my brother who wants to go back too but waiting for his wife to finish her prayer. We were not far from the hospital when my brother called my sister. He said my mother has gone. For real. Forever. My heart beats fast. My father made U-turn and we went straight to my mother's ward. My father started crying from the parking lot. There are a lot of things going through my mind at that time. I don't know what to think. When we arrived at the ward, my tears just falling down. I cried so much. She has left me. Left my father. Left my brothers. Left my sisters. Left my nieces. Left the in-laws. Left the world. After a moment of prayer, my father and my sister went back to our home to tidy up our house. We decided to bathe and <i>kafan </i>her at the hospital. Praise to Allah, at least I can bathe her for one last time. After the <i>kafan, </i>my brothers prayed <i>Solat Jenazah</i> for her. I brought my mother's corpse to our house with the hospital van. There's traffic so we arrived a little bit late. There, a lot of my relatives has arrived. They recited Yasin for my mother. My father decided she will be buried after Jumaah Prayer the day after. He wants a lot of people to pray for her. After all the relatives left, only me, my father, my sister and my youngest brother left. We will take turn to take care of my mother's corpse. </div>
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<u>22 July</u></div>
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Our old neighbors visited us that morning. Reciting surah Yasin for my mother. My father and my brother went to the cemetery to observe the preparation. I saw my brother posted something at his Facebook timeline. A picture of my father staring at the place where they will put my mother's corpse with the caption "Hari ni hari last ayah tidur dengan ibu" (my father said it the night before). How sad is that to hear it from your father? Around 11.30 am, a van from the mosque came to bring my mother's corpse to the mosque. Before I tie her <i>kafan </i>cloth again, my father asked my siblings if they want to kiss mother one last time. I can only touch her. I can't bear to kiss her because I know if I kiss her, I will cry again. I don't know why but I guess it is my ego. They had their Jumaah Prayer and after that, they prayed for my mother. They brought the corpse to the cemetery not far from my house. I can see it from afar only because suddenly, there was heavy rain. Really heavy. But Alhamdulillah, my mother's has safely been buried.</div>
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My friends who came to visit my mother's corpse said we siblings are strong because we didn't cry. We do cry but at the same time, we have to accept the fact that she's already gone. I think when my mom's gone, my father is the one who's taking the blow the hardest. 40 years of marriage. He's older yet my mother leave him first. He's still talking about how he met my mother. During their early years as husband and wife. When I think about this, I cry. </div>
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I'm actually quite relieved that she's gone. She's been sick for years. 12 years to be exact because of the stroke. And December last year, her health deteriorated. Became worse during the second day of Raya. I'm relieved that she doesn't have to suffer anymore. I just hope and pray to Allah to put her in the highest place in Jannah. Amin.</div>
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This is my first death that happened in front of me. Death will come to us eventually. It doesn't matter if you are old, young, sick, healthy. It doesn't matter. It will come to us when the time is up. My father always said he doesn't have enough time left. So do I. So do the people in the world.</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-76754418382197391112015-02-11T01:04:00.001+08:002015-02-11T01:04:53.877+08:00The Worst Teacher that I've Ever Known<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yup. I've met that kind of teacher. That teacher is me. I'm the worst teacher of all. I know I know. A lot of people will say "it can't be that bad". Yeah, you probably right. It can maybe not that bad. But for now, it's really bad for me.</div>
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Setiap kali nak masuk kelas untuk mengajar, aku mesti akan blank. Tak ada benda yang organize langsung since aku masuk kelas bulan lepas. Lesson plan aku dah buat. Tapi still aku rasa macam aku tak follow lesson plan tu. Students macam tak dapat input daripada aku. That's when I feel like crap. Students bising dalam kelas aku, kelas cikgu lain students baik je. That's when I feel bad. Students makin galak berjalan, buat bising, tak panggil aku cikgu, main2kan aku. That's when I feel worse.</div>
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Most of the teachers said the first year will not run smoothly. Yes, I know. Tapi aku tak rasa aku boleh handle students for a couple of years ahead. Students buat aku ni macam orang yang boleh dimain-mainkan. Aku baik sangat ke? Langsung tak. Aku menjerit je sepanjang masuk kelas but still diorang pijak kepala jugak. Approach aku x betul ke? Probably. Setiap kali aku masuk kelas, I feel guilty. Sebab masa pelajar terbuang macam tu sahaja disebabkan cikgu seperti aku. Perasaan aku?? Lagi teruk agaknya. Kesian kat students. Bayar mahal2 masuk sekolah tapi dapat cikgu crap macam aku.</div>
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Semangatku terbang macam burung layang-layang. I have no motivation. Balik rumah nak kena fikir amende nak buat dengan pelajar. Tapi in the end, satu habuk pun tak ada. Kembali kepada chalk and talk sahaja. Nak buat set induksi/BBM, tak tahu mana yang sesuai. Cikgu ni nak kena kreatif. I'm not a creative person. Tak pandai melukis, tak pandai menyanyi, tak pandai buat set induksi yang menarik. Semua la. Kadang2 benci pada diri sendiri. Kenapa rasa tak mampu buat sedangkan tahu buat (kot)? Sigh~</div>
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I don't have that kind of spirit. Aku rasa terikat. I'm not really free. I don't know. I don't know a lot of things. I feel sorry for myself and the people around me who affected by myself. I'm so sorry.</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-62120982129551267242014-06-18T23:53:00.002+08:002014-06-18T23:56:34.206+08:00Gotcha!<div style="text-align: justify;">
Bila aku tengok post lepas2, hampir kesemuanya panjang2. Haha...see? Betapa banyaknya luahan perasaan aku. Ececece...so korang boleh la bayangkan betapa banyaknya aku cakap dalam satu2 masa. Hamik ko!</div>
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Okay, post hari ni macam crap sikit la. And aku rasa agak crappy jugak la hari ni. Penat + sick. Banyak betul dugaan dan cabaran ajar foreigners yang tak tahu langsung English. Memang macam ayam cakap dengan itik. Macam tu jugak la aku. Kebanyakan student kat situ semua cakap Arab. Aku pun bukanlah paham sangat Arab. Kali terakhir belajar masa umur aku 12 tahun. More than 13 years aku tinggal so memang tak la aku nak ingat. Aku ingat student dewasa dengar cakap la. Tapi sama je macam budak kecik. Aku rasa budak kecik pun boleh je nak ikut arahan. Stres!</div>
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Sejak kebelakangan ni, aku banyak kali exploded. Aku memang tak boleh ajar slow learner sebab aku tak sabar tapi wallahualam Allah nak uji, aku dapat la sorang slow learner. Memang kena banyak sabar. Aku kesian jugak dengan dia sebab aku selalu marah dia depan student lain. Kalau aku ada kat tempat dia, aku pun malu and motivasi aku nak belajar pun confirm dah makin menurun. Tapi dia cukup pandai menaikkan darah aku. Tambah buat aku geram, dia ni cukup malas nak belajar lepas abis kelas. Aku paham lepas kelas, dia kerja. Okay, fine. Tapi break time kan dia boleh study. Ini tidak. Sigh~</div>
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Actually, aku nak cakap pasal benda lain. I don't know whether I have the gift or not tapi aku boleh tau apa impression or pemikiran orang lain terhadap aku berdasarkan mimik muka je. Sometimes, I can said accurately what particular person was thinking. Of course, bukanlah sepanjang masa aku kata "ah, ko tengah fikir apa? kutuk aku dalam hati ke ape" sebab tu aku kata sometimes je. Aku rasa banyak orang susah nak menipu depan aku especially orang yang senang berubah air muka. Tak susah nak baca muka orang sebenarnya. Haha...okay, berlagak! Mungkin disebabkan aku belajar kaunseling and aku selalu sangat perhati orang, aku mungkin la boleh baca orang walaupun tak lah accurate sepanjang masa. Boo~</div>
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Aku buat post ni sebab aku nak melahirkan rasa kurang senang yang timbul bila aku tengok ekspresi muka yang kurang menyenangkan daripada orang lain pasal sesuatu benda. Ok, panjang giler. I totally HATE it! Benda apa je aku x hate? Anyway, ah macam tu la. Tak tahu la macam mana aku nak buat dengan diri aku ni. Kenapa mesti aku nampak? Kenapa tidak orang lain? Sebab aku tau, kalau aku nampak, aku akan ingat sampai bila2. Sigh2.</div>
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Tu je la post merepek memalam buta ni. Jumaat aku nak fly overseas. Haha...first time. Sedih aku ni. Anyway, sila doakan kesejahteraan I okay? </div>
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masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-74047313686893590152014-06-08T22:43:00.000+08:002014-06-15T17:25:53.895+08:00Things that I choose to ignore but I can't<div style="text-align: justify;">
Aku rase semakin aku meningkat usia nie, makin banyak plak benda yang aku aware. Kadang2 aku choose untuk jadi ignorant. Xyah nak peduli ape2 sangat kat sekeliling aku tapi kalau jadi ignorant, terasa macam kurang pandai pulak. Ye la, kalau jadi ignorant, banyak negative effects compare to the positive ones. See? Benda2 macam ni pun aku nak kena consider jugak. Untuk entri kali nie, aku nak bagi couple of things yang aku xpaham kenapa orang sibuk2 nak menyibuk tapi I can't help to think about it.</div>
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<b>Weight/Body Shape/Sewaktu dengannya</b></div>
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Aku dikurniakan dengan tubuh badan yang bukanlah ala-ala top model, apatah lagi model. Badan aku common je kat Malaysia nie. Tapi kalau definisi orang Malaysia, aku ni masuk kategori orang2 gemuk. It's fine with me. Cakap la aku gemuk macam badak ke, macam hippo ke, macam anak gajah ke, cakap. I don't mind. Sebab aku macam da lali orang cakap macam tu and I tend to ignore it. Sebab aku tau, lelama nanti mesti diorang diam. Xpun, dapat saiz sama dengan aku. Kah3. Okay, xbaik gelakkan orang. </div>
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But there's one little incident yang menyebabkan aku rasa menyampah tahap gaban. Sampai buat aku rasa nak benti keje. Yep! It's happened in my workplace. Citenye macam nie. Workplace aku all girls except ade sorg lelaki la. Tapi yg lelaki tu pun selalu xde kat office sebab busy uruskan passport students etc. Last week, kitorang kene tgkp gmbr utk company profile. And we have to wear macam blazer la. Before that week, mase bos aku and HR manager beli blazer tu, aku da cakap da blazer tu xmuat. FYI, girls kat situ kurus2 except me. And then, bos aku kate xpe. Mase tgkp gmbr nanti, I don't have to button it. So fine la. N then mase ari photoshoot tu, aku kene button pulak. Aku dalam ati da agak menyumpah la kan. Bole button but terlalu ketat sampai aku rasa xselesa. And then, ade la salah seorang girls nie suruh aku lose weight. I was like what? You've just known me for less than 2 months and you already said that? Never before orang selain daripada family aku request aku lose weight tau. Okay, maybe people will said out of good intention. But I don't think so. Badan aku xmacam badan die. Aku tau badan aku memang cepat naik and susah turun. Even aku xmakan langsung pun for few days, badan aku xkan susut sangat. Trust me. Nasib baik la die jauh lebih tua daripada aku. I'm kind of pissed off jugak la. Macam racist giler. So basically, my performance is based on my body and not my skills? "Great"!</div>
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<b>People's Talk/Gossip/Bla bla bla</b></div>
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Gossip. Aku penah cakap pasal gossip nie kat previous entry so paham2 je la sendiri. Orang xkan penah benti bercakap pasal kite. Aku rasa bukan aku je tau pasal tu, semua orang tau pasal tu. Maybe in different ways. I don't know. Buat baik, orang mengata. Buat jahat, orang mengata. Xbuat ape2 pun orang mengata jugak. So ape je yang perlu kite buat? Kite buat je la ape yang kite rase betul dan x melanggar syarak dan undang2. Kite buat je la keje kite and xcampur hal orang lain. Dalam kes macam nie, kite kene ade perasaan ignorant and selfish sikit. Untuk selamat. I chose to be ignorant though before but now, I think I'm becoming a selfish person but still ignorant. Way to go Masy!<b> </b></div>
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<b>Marriage</b></div>
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Will you marry me? Ditujukan khas kepada lelaki2 kat luar sana. Tapi to be truth, I'm not ready yet. Of course, sampai bila2 aku xready. Tapi bila da sampai masanya, aku akan kawin jugak. Yang nie la ape yang aku bagitau kat orang bila diorang tanye bile aku nak kawin. Tapi bile aku bagi jawapan macam nie, die putar pulak tempat lain. Jodoh kalau xcari xkan ade. Yeah2 I know. Tapi kalau betul xsampai lagi, nak buat macam mane? Aku tengok yang ade bf/gf berkurun lamenye pun xkawin2 jugak. Bukan xde calon. Tu calon berkurun lame tu, xde plak org sibuk2 nak tanye bile nak kawin. Ape? Takut sangat aku jadi andartu ke? Allahu Akbar. Jodoh, ajal tu semua kan kat tangan Allah. Sape aku nak kate bile aku nak kawin? Sape ko nak decide bile aku nak kawin? Kalau aku decide nak kawin esok and Allah benarkan, memang betul aku kawin esok. So? Masih nak tanye ke bile aku nak kawin?<br />
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These are some of the things yang aku masih try ignore sampai hari nie. Mostly berjaya la tapi kadang2, terlepas jugak sampai buat aku berfikir. To be honest, aku bosan. Aku sick dengan benda2 nie semua tau tak. Kenape la orang suke sangat jadi busybody? Jaga hal masing2 da la. Ni nak sebok2 hal orang. Bikin panas je.</div>
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<b>Al-Fatihah ke atas arwah Fazirul Azmi Jakfar, sahabat lama. Semoga roh arwah ditempatkan dalam kalangan orang2 beriman. Amin</b></div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-65269858606621900522014-05-24T00:23:00.001+08:002014-05-24T00:23:33.521+08:00Teacher vs The Real Me<div style="text-align: justify;">
Teacher. Teaching. Hard work. Really hard work. I know semua keje memang susah. Mana ada keja yang senang kat dunia ni. Maybe keja yang orang kata keja goyang kaki tu pun susah. Mana la tau. To be honest, aku tau aku x berapa pandai mengajar. The reason is too obvious if you're one of my students.</div>
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Memang, aku tau dan aku faham, bukan semua orang boleh jadi tenaga pengajar, jadi pendidik dan sebagainya yang berkaitan la. Tapi tu la. Macam aku cakap tadi, rasanya mengajar bukan untuk aku. Tapi selain daripada mengajar, apa lagi yang boleh aku buat? Nothing maybe. Yeah, maybe I can try different field of work tapi of course la, diorang mesti nak cari pekerja yang at least ada kelulusan yang berkaitan. Ni dengan ijazah pendidikan yang aku ada, adalah agak sukar untuk memenuhi pasaran pekerjaan sekarang. </div>
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Aku bukan x suka giler mengajar. Half of me rasa "oh, bole la mengajar nie. Seronok pun seronok. Masa pun singkat je". Half of me x rasa macam tu. That second half rasa macam tu sebab aku rasa aku tak pandai mengajar. Previous workplace di mana aku pernah mengajar pernah complaint kot kata x dapat apa-apa input daripada aku. Oh down giler aku.</div>
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And now, kat tempat kerja sekarang pun macam tu jugak. Aku ajar pun dikatakan tidak diajar. Sampai dia kata dia tak belajar apa-apa langsung hari tu. Aku rasa macam kena panah tepat kat dada. Menusuk kalbu. Kalau aku ni memang cepat nangis, memang aku nangis da depan student tu. Of course kebanyakan benda dia da tau, tapi tugas aku hanyalah untuk mengajar. Dia pun xnak bagitau aku whether dia da belajar ke belum. Aduh sedih betul aku. And then, another English beginner level student pun xnak aku ajar. Maybe sebab aku macam selalu marah2 dia, and mungkin jugak dia xpaham apa yang aku ajar. And I'm sorry about that. Yang nie pun buat aku down. Plus, lecturer yang ganti aku sekali tu foreigner so maybe dia rasa she's better than me and to be honest, memang aku setuju.</div>
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Aku di 'hire' untuk bekerja kat situ sebagai cikgu bahasa melayu so what do they expect? Kena bear with me la. Or push the management untuk tambah lecturer. Aku yang tersepit kat sini tau. Student x puas hati pasal lecturer lain, bagitau aku. Apa yang aku boleh buat? Aku da la baru keje kat situ. Ah stress.</div>
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Of course, this is a private center and they pay a lot for it. Plus, they are foreigners. Tapi nak expect ape belajar English kat country yang native language nya bukan English? Just because kos belajar kat sini cheaper than pegi US or UK doesn't mean you have to demand everything. Kadang2 buat aku bengang jugak la. Entah la. Harap2 cepat la keluar result SPP. Kalau xdapat pun, at least ada alasan nak berhenti keje. Sigh~</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-32492690974805954442014-05-08T21:50:00.000+08:002014-05-08T21:53:32.353+08:00Dugaan lagi.<div style="text-align: justify;">
Hari nie merupakan hari dugaan untuk aku lagi. Dugaan itu pasti sebab keimanan ingin diuji. </div>
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Masa bersiap2 nak pegi keje, baru perasan kancing kain tu da tercabut and aku lupa nak jahit. Lama dah tercabutnya tapi aku x ingat nak jahit. Sigh~ Tudung pun buat hal jugak. Takpe la. Mungkin tu biasa bagi aku. Sebab aku nie semuanya last minute so paham2 je la. Huhu..</div>
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Tapi Alhamdulillah masa aku amik bas pagi tadi, orang dalam bas x ramai. Yihaa! So aku pun relax je dalam bas. Xde la rasa x selesa ke apa. Keja ari nie pun okay je cuma biasa la busy lebih sikit sebab nak kena cantikkan pusat bahasa tu. Aduh aku bab kreatif nie fail. Fail sangat la.</div>
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Cuma masa aku keja, tetiba aku dapat mesej. Ntah sape ntah. Rupanya pervert. Yang peliknya, dia kata dia dapat nombor aku kat fb. Puas aku fikir kat sape aku bagi nombor aku and aku masih x ingat sampai sekarang. Tapi sms dia semuanya menakutkan. Aku rasa nak report polis je tapi aku da delete sms tu. Damn.Yang buat aku takut sebenarnya sebab dia tau nama aku. Dalam mesej tu, bukan nama fb tapi nama sebenar aku. Ya Allah rasa nak nangis je. </div>
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Balik tu, aku pun pegi la solat Asar dulu. Minta perlindungan daripada Yang Maha Esa. Lepas tu, aku pegi la merayau kat Pavilion tu nak cari CIMB. Tapi xjumpe pun. Aku give up and pegi kat bakeri sbb aku ingat nak beli la roti ke, pastri ke untuk mak aku. Bile nak bayar tu, baru aku teringat dompet aku tertinggal kat office. Ya Allah sabar je la aku.</div>
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Aku pun dengan sepantas kilat (poyo je ni) balik ke office. Nasib baik la agak dekat. Tapi bila sampai kat ofis, ofis da tutup. Stress!! Aku pun kol la akak aku sebab nak mintak tambang balik. Sadis x?<br />
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Balik tu masa naik bas, ada sorang mamat nie duduk sebelah aku. Aku x suka mamat nie sebab dia suka amik space lebih. Bayangkanlah kalau siku dia bole sampai kat pinggang aku. Aku ikut hati yang jahat, mau aku lempang mamat tu. Xpun aku buat kecoh dalam bas. Sebab masalahnya bukan sekali, da dua kali da. Lagi satu, aku perasan mamat nie memang suka duduk sebelah perempuan. Oh memang bengang. Dia pun suka kalau masa nak bangun daripada seat tu, buat2 terlanggar ke, tergeser ke. Eiii pervert giler! Geram! </div>
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Apa2 pun, aku rasa dugaan nie semua macam peringatan la kat aku sebab aku selalu lupa Allah. Dengar macam islamic sangat kan aku? Haha...tapi betul. Dugaan tu memang macam peringatan kat diri aku yang selalu lupa nie. Ah~</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-47084404524059051012014-04-18T00:03:00.001+08:002014-04-18T00:03:29.494+08:00Why I hate new job?<div style="text-align: justify;">
Alhamdulillah. Rezeki aku x putus2. Lepas je tamat kontrak last week, hari nie dapat berita dapat keje lagi. Alhamdulillah. So aku akan mula bekerja next Monday. Esok nak kene sign contract. Aduh, malasnye nak klua.Walaupun keje nie kontrak 3 bulan and xde kene mengene dengan course aku, insya Allah aku akan dapat pengalaman yang berharga. Amin.</div>
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Tapi tu la. Setiap kali aku dapat keje baru, aku memang x suke. Tak. Aku memang suka dapat keje cume ade beberapa perkara yang buat aku rase "hmm...malasnye nak pegi keje". Benda nie happen bukan sekali dua tapi macam aku cakap la, setiap kali dapat keje baru. Berikut merupakan kerisauan aku semasa dapat keje baru.</div>
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First, social interaction. To tell you the truth, aku bukanlah org yg xpandai mingle dengan orang lain. Serious x tipu. I can interact with people, occasionally. Tapi bila aku da makin besar nie, aku baru sedar la. Aku xpandai mingle dengan orang yang lebih tua. Aku lebih senang mingle dengan yang muda. Bukan la aku nak perasan aku muda ke ape tapi aku rasa aku lebih selesa mingle dengan yang muda daripada yang tua. Bukan ape, orang yang lebih tua and senior nie nak kite layan die lain sikit. Dengan yang muda nie kebanyakannye sempoi je. So bile masuk first day keje, nak kene kenalkan diri bagai. Oh malasnye. Walaupun itu macam lebih kurang nak berbasa-basi, ok la. Fine la. Aku bole buat tapi kalau expect aku buat lebih daripada tu, sorry la. </div>
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Second, expectation. Aku sedar, bila orang baru masuk keje, orang yang da lame keje masing2 akan letak satu expectation kat orang baru. And kebanyakan expectation yang aku dapat ialah diorang expect orang baru untuk mesra, tau nak buat semua keje, terer (huh?) and macam2 lagi la. Tapi aku rase la, ade jugak yang anggap orang baru macam xtau ape2. Bahasa kasarnye bodoh la. Expectation mesra tu bagi aku lebih kepada diorang expect orang baru nie kaki bodek. Biasenye yang aku tengok senang masuk dengan orang nie memang kaki kipas. Duh!</div>
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Third, gossip! Yes, gossiping! Xyah cakap la. Gosip nie memang no 1 la kat office. Aku rase mane2 tempat keje same je. Kuat bergosip. Lelaki n perempuan same je. Menyampah aku. Aku bukan lah xbergosip. Aku pun gosip jugak. Tapi xde la sekuat orang2 keje kot. You know, dalam office environment, mesti ade puak/gang yang lain2. So bile da puak A ngumpat puak B, ah I hate it. Aku jadi orang tengah. Yang lagi "best", siap ajak aku dengar sekali sedangkan aku baru ade seminggu macam tu kat situ. What the? Bile aku xnak join, mula la cakap belakang. Walaupun aku xdengar, aku tau. Nature manusia beb. Memang macam tu. Macam tu ke orang berpelajaran tinggi? (kononnye).</div>
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Aku bukan nak cari flaws orang tapi bende nie memang jadi setiap kali aku dapat keje baru. Pattern die lebih kurang same la. Cume my previous job nie je yg okay sikit. I mean okay banyak la. Time keje2, kalau nak gosip pun kadang2 je. Aku jadi furious and curious setiap kali dapat keje baru. And for the first week of work, I will be at my utmost uncomfortable feeling. Just hope for the better. Insya Allah.</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-84832023236420369632014-04-12T00:57:00.000+08:002014-04-13T01:22:04.464+08:00Entah la<div style="text-align: justify;">
Officially, my contract ends by today. Well, physically, semalam la aku abis contract. To be honest, aku ade mixed feelings. Sad is definite, and miss them already. Haha...funny kan? Aku seriously bukan jenis nak miss2 orang nie. Except my family and home. Tapi diorang nie memang exceptional. Workplace okay, orang pun okay. Tapi memandangkan bidang aku pun xde kene mengene dengan company tu and responsibility aku kat situ pun da selesai, so xde point lagi aku bekerja kat situ. It's okay la. At least, aku dapat pengalaman bekerja yang berharga and lain daripada yang lain. Ok fine. Skema.</div>
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Okay, this is off topic. I do realize yang aku cepat flutter. Bukan sekali dua aku caught off guard diri sendiri tengah flutter. Nak kate aku xsedar, aku memang fully aware yang aku nie cepat flutter. Dulu aku macam xperasan sangat tapi sejak masuk U, aku perasan la condition aku nie. Aku seriously HATE ade condition macam nie. Ramai akan kate aku nie xtau bersyukur. Tak. Aku memang bersyukur. Sebab aku masih ade perasaan. Tapi bile fluttering feeling tu datang, it will be extremely uncomfortable. Aku jadi xsenang duduk. Maybe walaupun tengah gelak2 dengan kawan2 or family, still fikiran aku akan ligat berpusing. Asyik nak fikir je tentang fluttering feeling tu.</div>
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For my condition/problem nie, aku ade solution. Bukan xde, memang ade. It takes me a little hard to accept but it is effective. Let's say I like someone but I don't want to like him because I think that he's nicer than me. I want to erase that feeling from my heart. So I have to wait. Wait for some news that can break my heart and prevent my heart to continue love him. Seems easy right? Not really. Still pain in the ass. But it really does bring me back to reality.</div>
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That's what happened when your heart and your mind are not in the same pace. When my mind is ready to let go that feeling, my heart refuse. It's hard to satisfy the heart. So the only solution is some heart-breaking news have to be heard. Sad but true.That's the only way.</div>
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Tetibe aku teringat kate2 kakak aku. Die kate aku nie takut dengan lelaki. Ke xsuke lelaki ntah. Something like that la. Bukan la die maksudkan tu nafsu aku songsang ke ape. Tapi bile die tengok perangai aku, die rase aku nie macam xsuke lelaki. Aku extremely suke lelaki. Ok, confession giler. Tapi aku normal. Cume aku keep saying to myself "Belum tibe masenye untuk aku ade relationship".</div>
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I'm not craving for a relationship right now tau tapi for unknown reason, my heart is fluttering right now. And I hate it. I need some heart breaking news from him or sape2 la yang berkenaan. Nak lupekan, it takes time. So kene busykan diri la nampaknye.</div>
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In b4, org keje klcc byk hensem2 tapi xble nak minat sbb xtau da kawin ke x. Demm~</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-84491959504643325762014-04-09T23:33:00.000+08:002014-04-09T23:33:00.783+08:00My thoughts, my feelings, my....I don't know<div style="text-align: justify;">
WARNING! Ini merupakan post merepek sebelum tido.</div>
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X lame da lagi nak abis contract sebulan aku. Another 2 days and I will be out from there. Memang tempat keje yang terbaik pernah aku keje.</div>
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Aku cite pasal hari nie la. Aduh, start malam semalam sampai la hari ni, aku rase x sedap hati je. Aku ada anxiety sikit kot. Benci. Aku cukup benci anxiety. Aduh. Kenape aku anxiety? Sebab aku nak kene present amende yg aku buat sepanjang aku sebulan kat situ. But luckily, nasib baik aku go through dulu dgn bos kedua aku before presenting it to the other boss.</div>
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Oh yeah. Hari nie makan kat Hard Rock Cafe. People will say "So kalau makan kat Hard Rock, kesah ke?". Tapi aku kesah la sebab mahal seh. Nasib bukan aku yang bayar. Haha...makan kat Hard Rock nie untuk orang yang tolong2 mase family retreat ari tu. Aku xtolong pun dapat makan free. Ish2. Alhamdulillah, rezeki.</div>
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Oh before balik tadi, just like I said, kene go through amende yg aku buat tu. Sambil tu kene buat mock presentation depan die. Demm. She said something about "kesian you, kene buli dengan I" and I was like "Compare to you, the boys bullying me a lot". And something that she told me shocked me and I just can't get it out from my head. Well, for now. She said that the boys jarang buat mcm tu kat orang. Especially yang umo 36 thn tu. Sedangkan yg 36 thn nie yang paling kuat menyakat aku. Aduh. Sikit2 abang2. Aduh geli.</div>
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And I was like What?? Macam taken aback sikit la. And you know what's in my heart at that time when she told me? I feel a little guilty. Yeah, guilty. Sebab ape? Dekat office, diorang buat lawak ke, menyanyi ke, aku akan buat xtau. Macam totally ignore them. And macam2 la diorang buat nak bagi aku gelak. So that's why aku rase guilty tu. Sebab macam efforts diorang tu xde hasil.</div>
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And it makes me realize something else. Aku terfikir yang aku nie xde perasaan ke? Or aku nie xtau nak express my own feelings ke? As far as I know, I definitely know how to express my anger and annoyance. I have my own reason you know why aku buat xtau je. Aku xnak terikat emotionally dengan diorang. Because I know, once you are attached with somebody emotionally, it's hard when you have to let it go. It's hard for me to let go of somebody if the person/people makes me laugh a lot and makes me feel comfortable. I do realize it a lot. Oh demm.</div>
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Nasib baik la dua2 da kawin. Aku rase selamat sikit. Haha...lagipun, aku anggap macam abang2 aku. Aku ade extra abang plak sekarang nie. Hihi..</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-11234213688309975562014-04-04T23:37:00.000+08:002014-04-04T23:39:02.524+08:00Sexual harassment<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ini adalah satu topik yang serius. Aku pasti ramai wanita di luar sana yang at least sekali kene sexual harassment. And yes, aku pun x terkecuali.</div>
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Bagi orang yang kurang bijak, dia anggap perempuan yang kene sexual harassment nie mesti pompuan cantik and sexy mexy. Kurang tepat sama sekali. Xkisah la perempuan tu cantik ke, x seksi ke, gemuk ke, kurus ke, pasti akan kene jugak sexual harassment.</div>
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Dalam kes aku plak, bukan sekali aku kene sexual harassment nie. First time mase aku umur 11 tahun kot. Ke mude lagi daripada tu ntah. Ah bile fikir balik, nasib baik aku nie agak kuat mentally. I don't even want to talk about it, even think about it. Aku rase sebab tu aku ade childhood memory loss. Aku xingat zaman kanak2 aku. Maybe sebab aku nak wipe out benda2 negatif yang jadi kat aku kot. Don't worry, aku x dirogol or kena benda2 yang sewaktu dengannya la.</div>
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Recently, sekali lagi aku kene sexual harassment. Xtau la die sengaja ke @ x sengaja. Situasinya dalam bas. Xyah cakap la kalau dalam public transport ni. Selalu sangat la kene. Citenye macam nie. Aku berdiri dekat tangga bas. Sebab masa tu peak hour so of course la ramai giler orang. Aku pun berpaut la kat tiang tangga bas tu. Kerusi bas tu pun agak rapat jugak dengan tiang tu. And then, ada sorang laki nie. Die hold la kat blkg kerusi bas tu. Aku macam bersandar la kat tiang tu. Lame2 aku rasa macam panas je belakang aku. Macam ade orang kuis2. Aku tengok tangan die da betul2 belakang aku (still hold kat belakang kerusi) tapi da kene aku jugak la. Terpaksa la aku menjauhkan diri sambil buat muka. Rasa nak lempang je. </div>
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Kalau duduk plak, lagi2 sebelah lelaki, lagi sakit hati. Lelaki kalau duduk kan suke mengangkang. So bile mengangkang tu, da makan space kite. Aku cukup bengang kalau macam tu. Melayu ke, Bangla ke, India ke sama je. Setakat nie, xpenah lg aku kene dgn Cina. Kalau hensem sekalipun, tetap xble dimaafkan. Plus, aku xselesa la nak ade body contact dengan org lain. Even dgn pompuan pun. Tapi xsemua la macam tu. Aku pun rase aku macam terkurang space. Sebab aku kan gemuk, kerusi bas tu plak sesuai dengan orang yang kurus so tu la.</div>
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Tapi 1 bende aku respect kat Bangla/Nepal nie, kalau dalam bas, diorang nmpk org tua ke, perempuan ke, diorang akan bg tmpt duduk. Aku pun hesitate nak buat but diorang buat without hesitation. Malu plak aku. </div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-46709096108382923292014-04-03T21:56:00.001+08:002014-04-03T21:56:40.090+08:00Parent's Love<div style="text-align: justify;">
Parent's love are infinite. There's no border whatsoever. Parent's love are unconditional, even though I think most of us think that our parents are being bias to other siblings. Alhamdulillah, Allah masih panjangkan usia kedua-dua ibu bapaku. Allah masih memberi peluang untuk aku berbakti kepada kedua ibu bapa aku. Alhamdulillah.</div>
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Kenape tetibe je aku bercerite pasal parent's love nie? Hehe...ada kisah di sebaliknya. Dalam team tempat aku bekerja, hanya ada 2 org lelaki. Kami ade 6 org semuanye. Dua2 da kawin. Kat dalam team tu cuma aku n sorang akak nie je yg x kawin lagi. </div>
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Even though keje office, Facebook tetap layan jugak time keje. One day, salah sorang lelaki nie suggest la tengok video budak terjatuh dalam kolah macam tu la. Viral jugak la video tu. And dia x sanggup nak tengok sebab die pun ade sorang anak. Kecik lg. Rasenye macam sethn mcm tu la.</div>
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You know what, I thought most guys yang da kawin, kalau tengok video tu, maybe diorang akan rasa biasa je. But guys dalam team aku nie buat aku rasa heartwarming. He's running away from the desktop. X sanggup nak tengok katenye. Cukup tgk sekali. Bila aku tengok situasi tu depan mata sendiri, secara semula jadi nya, prinsip "semua lelaki sama je" tu shattered. Buat aku sedar. Macam kene ketuk kat kepala. Yang masih ada lagi lelaki mementingkan institusi kekeluargaan. Masih wujud lelaki yang baik. Ok la, maybe org akan kate "ala, br bbrp thn kawin, tunggu la 10 thn lg bla bla bla". Yes, of course. Kite xtau akan berlaku pada 10 tahun akan datang. But that brief moment really got me deep.</div>
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Even though these guys cukup kuat mengacau aku sampai kadang2 tu xlarat nak melayan tapi I know that they are really good guys. Sayang isteri. Bertanggungjawab. Tu pandangan aku sebagai orang luar la. Lepas aku abis contract nie, I will definitely miss my workplace. Or should I say the people? I will miss them a lot. Workplace nie memang the best out of all workplace yg penah aku keje before this. Syukur kepada Allah sebab bagi aku peluang keje kat situ. Pengalaman memang priceless.</div>
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Okay yang nie sedikit off topic. Memang la these guys baik, selalu buat aku ketawa tapi part mengusik, menyakat tu memang nombor 1! Haish...kadang2 tu bengang jugak la selalu kene bahan. Kene bahan depan team lain yang aku xbape okay plak tu. Aduh...malu2. </div>
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Pastu, yang lagi xbest, diorang jadi tukang match orang plak. Tanye aku budak intern xnak ke, ade staff bujang nie, minat x? Yang nie pun bujang, yg tu pun bujang, xnak ke? Aduh stress tau x? Tapi paling xble blah, diorang pun nak masuk line jugak. "Yg dua org nie xnak ke?" Ah ye la, sekali bini2 diorang datang office serang aku, xke naya? Jadi drama plak kan. Aku cakap aku minat K-pop, dan2 la pegi cari jugak staff bujang yg ala2 K-pop kat situ. Sabar je la. Cukup kuat menyakat, mengusik semua la. Tapi pada masa yg sama, aku berterima kasih kat diorang. Sebab xbuat aku awkward kat situ. Yang akak2 kat situ pun sama. Layan aku baik je. Thank you team! Syukur2.</div>
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masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-35497021204020849042014-03-31T22:56:00.000+08:002014-04-13T00:56:18.145+08:00Happy 25th birthday to me.<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yes, exactly. Aku da berumur 25 tahun. Suku abad. Demmm..tua da. Apa2 pun, Alhamdulillah sebab Allah memberi peluang aku bernafas 25 tahun di atas muka bumi-Nya. Dan masih lagi memberi peluang kepada aku untuk bernafas sehingga kini.</div>
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Terima kasih kepada rakan-rakan yang mendoakan kesejahteraan aku. Insya Allah, semuanya dengan izin Allah akan termakbul juga doa itu. </div>
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K fine. Title post macam forever alone giler. K la. Aku forever alone. Xbestnye bday aku masa keje. Kalau x, aku nak klua jalan2, bagi hadiah kat diri sendiri. Tapi tu la. Keje plak.</div>
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Cakap pasal keje, ok la keje situ. Aku ingat lepas je 12hb nie, aku xkeje situ da. Tapi macam ada ura-ura diorang nak extend contract aku. I'm glad but at the same time, aku macam xnak. Huhu...apa2 pun, semuanya aku serahkan kepada Yang Berkuasa je. </div>
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Oh interview ari tu. Alhamdulillah, semuanya sudah selesai. Walaupun agak mencabar nak banding kawan2 aku kat zon lain, tapi Alhamdulillah aku da lalui semua itu. I'm glad. Syukur. Sekarang nie tunggu posting la jawabnye. Bapa aku nak sangat tengok aku jadi guru kerajaan so Insya Allah, ada rezeki, dapat la aku penuhi permintaannya tu. Bunyi macam anak yang baik kan? Wrong. Aku banyak dosa kat parents aku. Sigh~</div>
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Sempena birthday aku yang tinggal beberapa jam lagi nie, aku dedicatekan lagu nie untuk diri sendiri. Anggap la diorang tgh nyanyi lagu nie untuk aku. Hoho..</div>
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<br />masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-46525795158553055112014-03-18T22:49:00.003+08:002014-03-18T22:49:50.692+08:00Agitated<div style="text-align: justify;">
Agigated. Yes, I am agitated right now. Baru nak sampai pertengahan minggu, nervousness aku semakin meningkat. Dengan interview x prepare ape lagi. Aduh, amende aku nak baca pun aku xtau.</div>
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And today. Yes today. Sigh~ dunia admin/korporat sungguh menakutkan. Scary. Museoyo. Hari nie hampir2 aku nak menangis. Sebab my nervousness almost reach its limit. Dateline tetibe, dengan pengetahuan excel yg kurang, rasa nak jerit, rasa nak nangis semahu2nya. Sampai aku xde feel nak baca langsung. Ape la nak jadi aku nie?</div>
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A lot of mistakes have been made today so yeah, nervous, takut semuanya ada. Sampai orang lain kene buat keje aku. How stupid I can be? I'm surprising myself. Pastu, nak baik2 dgn org lain, mcm malas plak. Nak beramah mesra bagai. Ah malasnye. Alone by myself la kat situ. </div>
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I should be relax sbb aku baru like 3 or 4 days kat situ but still, people will expect a lot from me in the future. Of course la kan. Ah...sekarang nie aku kene fikir positif je. Setiap hari kene fikir positif and enjoy my work there. Do the best for myself. Orang situ semua baik2. Semua kebajikan aku diorg jaga, no problem. Tunjuk ajar apa yang perlu diajar, I'm glad. But at the same time, I'm afraid they will put a certain expectation on me. So yeah. Difficult. Negatifnya la aku nie. Apa2 pun, bertahanlah masy untuk sebulan. X lame dah. Sekejap je lagi. Be positive!</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-25229955203091153872014-03-15T23:59:00.000+08:002014-03-15T23:59:03.210+08:00Busy week ahead! Full Board!<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yes, you read that correctly. Walaupun sekarang baru hari Sabtu tapi tension untuk minggu baru nie da terasa. Berdebar2, resah, gelisah, semua ada la sekarang nie.Amende yang busy sangat tu? (Kepoh 1 dunia lak kan?)</div>
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First. I will have my teacher's interview very very soon. Well, not as soon as my friends yang akan di interview this upcoming week.Tapi kenape aku kate very very soon? Sebab satu ape pun aku xbaca lagi! Oh no! And it makes me nervous, can't get it out of my head.</div>
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Second. I've got new job. I don't mind it's a temp job though but this job requires me to go back home quite late. Masuk keje kul 8.30, keluar 5.30. It's normal office hours right? In my case, maybe not. I have to stay maybe like an hour late just to make sure everything that the team's needs are fulfilled. Pastu, tunggu bas bagai plus jam, lebih kurang pukul 9 jugak la aku balik. So the dilemma is bila masenye aku nak study for that interview? Alhamdulillah, aku da settle beli blazer and cop bagai so ok la kan.</div>
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Third. On my very first day, I was told that the company will have some kind of family day kat Melaka. I was like what? And diorang kate aku wajib pegi. Ok xpe lagi. Pastu diorang kate that family day will be held from 22 until 24th (Saturday to Monday). My interview will be held on that Monday. I thought during that weekend, nak baca. But unfortunately, I won't have a lot of time to read I guess. T_T</div>
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Forth. Part of the program for the family day is dinner. So the theme they chose is gypsy. So where the hell I can find a gypsy outfit? Nak pakai yang berjuntai2 bagai tu? Oh no. Bencinye. Plus, extremely no money here. Tension aku. Nak cari kat kedai bundle, bila masenye aku nak cari? Hmm...nampaknye kene curi mase la untuk cari outfit tu. Sigh sigh sigh~</div>
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So yeah. This upcoming week will be a busy one. Lagipun, untuk prepare that family day, kene prepare banyak benda so I as one of the temporary executive assistant there, have to help them doing the preparation. So yeah, wish me good luck. It's been a long time since I had a busy week. Masy gambattene!</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-61479156798599178462014-03-10T22:17:00.001+08:002014-03-10T22:25:10.032+08:00Special Guy!Tada!!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjhofEf0yRmdTib7XTsBC_J-Ib7NIMRfpA2CQNg3ee6pWHigH0kGE8akqZHEZsNr-0PAbLbY9g1jurhqVtlDAal2LRNMEBbxzolczGFREoUHceIQN_C6or_k1pWlbQfwxz7ikzfu57y-M/s1600/lunafly_1393908580_af.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjhofEf0yRmdTib7XTsBC_J-Ib7NIMRfpA2CQNg3ee6pWHigH0kGE8akqZHEZsNr-0PAbLbY9g1jurhqVtlDAal2LRNMEBbxzolczGFREoUHceIQN_C6or_k1pWlbQfwxz7ikzfu57y-M/s1600/lunafly_1393908580_af.jpeg" height="313" width="320" /></a></div>
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Akhirnya Lunafly da keluarkan MV diorang yang ke-(ok, aku sendiri pun xtau)! Album baru lagi.Yahooo!! Okay, gambar kat atas nie merupakan teaser MV untuk Yun's version. Susah betul aku nak cari gambar MV baru Lunafly untuk cover photo fb aku. Tapi memandangkan yang nie xcukup wide, so terpaksalah aku cari gambar Lunalfy yang lain. Tapi nevermind! Oh sukenye aku!</div>
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Oh ya. "Special Guy" tu merupakan title album diorang. And tajuk MV diorang jugak la. Bagi aku, lagu nie memang fresh sbb datangnye daripada Lunafly. It's quite lucky though yang Lunafly nie x menentukan image band nie macam mane. Every kind of music diorang try. Maybe not a lot for now but I think maybe in the future, there are a lot of different genre that Lunafly will discover and try by themselves.I'm sure of it.</div>
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Okay. Bila gambar nie keluar and bila MV diorang keluar, aku dalam dilema sebenarnya. Sigh~ oh, untuk MV, aku malas nak post kat sini. Kalau nak usha, bole la usha sendiri kat Youtube. Nak letak kat sini berat. Ehehehe. Okay kembali kepada dilema. Nampak kan gambar kat atas tu? Okay daripada kiri Yun, tengah tu Teo and yang nampak muka separuh tu Sam. Dalam MV and gambar, aku paling jatuh cinta kat Yun la. Sebab imej die kali nie hensem giler!! And die memang hensem da. Tapi kali nie, extra handsome Yun. Kat MV, kat dalam gambar. Ah...melting aku. But the thing is sigh~~ why, WHY HE'S YOUNGER THAN ME?? Nampak matang budak nie tapi sigh~ sekali lagi, umur baru 20 thn. Aduh!</div>
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Tension aku. Memang la aku sedar, die takdenye nak kat aku. And xde pun lelaki hensem nak kat aku. Tapi tapi....ah, aku xboleh. Hensem sangat!! Aduh kenape la aku suke budak2? Hmm...kpop sekarang banyak budak2 je. Bengang jugak la aku. Ah nevermind. </div>
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There you have it. Lambat jugak aku tau yang Lunafly nak keluar album. Macam minggu lepas baru aku tau kot. Haishh...ape2 pun, Lunafly fighting!</div>
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<br />masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-39448258041377974022014-03-09T23:05:00.000+08:002014-03-09T23:05:07.388+08:00Snap!<div style="text-align: justify;">
Snap untuk post aku nie bukan la permainan Snap tu. Tapi snap yang dimaksudkan adalah sentap. Ya, sentap merupakan perkataan yang sering berlegar2 di fikiran aku sejak kebelakangan nie. </div>
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Sentap. Hm..sentap. Kebelakangan nie, aku macam kerap diberitahu aku cepat sentap. Kalau someone bergurau like kind of serious, I'm taking it REALLY serious. Hah pelik kan? Usually, aku bukan macam nie. I can tell whether kawan2 aku bergurau or saying something serious. But lately, that "gift" is not with me anymore. I can't tell whether it's a joke or it's something that I should consider as serious. </div>
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Ah...aku xtau la kenapa aku jadi macam nie. Maybe aku stress xde keje kot. Maybe aku stress sebab air. To be honest, krisis air nie memang effect aku teruk jugak la. A few days ble tahan lg kalau xde air. Nie kalau da on off for a month, xke giler aku dibuatnye? </div>
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So yeah. Aku minta maaf kalau perkataan atau perbuatan aku menunjukkan yang aku sentap or irritating. The truth is aku xsentap pun or x irritate pun. Aku sendiri pun xtau ape yang aku fikirkan. There's so much to think about. Incoming interview nie lagi. Ah...stress. There's too much to think right now. </div>
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In before, semoga MH370 dapat ditemui. Amin.</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-55593274321613768122014-02-12T12:37:00.000+08:002014-02-12T12:37:37.184+08:00I'm not REALLY like that<div style="text-align: justify;">
This thing is actually da berlegar2 dalam fikiran aku da lame da. Cuma aku masih hesitate sama ada perlu ke tak aku post benda ni. Post ni pasal diri aku. Well, as if aku TAK pernah post pasal diri sendiri kan? Tapi this is something yang aku rarely cite dekat kawan2. Haha..(tetibe)</div>
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A lot of people have asked me why am I still single until this day. Okay2, aku bukan jenis nak cite pasal relationship dengan orang especially dengan kawan2 sebab aku rase bende tu macam geli je. Haha...tapi memandangkan umur aku ni nak masuk 25 thn (T_T), so I guess I need to put this thing in consideration (huhhh..xble blah ayat). </div>
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One of the reason is aku rase xde orang suke kat aku. Or maybe aku rase org tu x brave enough utk luahkan perasaan kat aku (ok, geli). And aku rase even if ade orang luahkan perasaan kat aku sekarang ni, maybe aku tolak. Sebab I'm not ready for a relationship. Ajak kawin terus xpe kot. Haha....ok, aku gatal.</div>
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Another thing is penampilan aku x same macam perempuan2 yang lain. Aku x girlish. Aku x make up. Usual outfit aku ialah t-shirt, khakis and sport shoes. It's not that aku ni berlagak muda pakai pakaian macam tu tapi aku x berminat dengan pakaian keperempuanan except baju kurung. Kalau nak suruh aku jadi girlish, so request la kat aku pakai baju kurung. Even skirt labuh pun aku kurang. Banyak da org cakap kat aku tukarlah penampilan, make up sikit bla bla bla. Oh I'm so sick of it! Aku akan bertukar kepada pakaian2 girlish tu tapi on my own pace. Aku xkan berubah kalau org paksa2. Even bapa aku pun x paksa2, ni plak orang lain. </div>
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Lagi 1, presence aku nie macam strong. Aku ni tak bold verbally. Tapi aku rase body language aku macam strong. Macam xbagi orang dekat dengan aku. Even some of my friends pun ade cakap macam tu. Aku pernah la di consider sombong sebab mimik muka and body language aku. Aku jalan macam mendabik dada sikit. So disebabkan aku nampak macam strong, lelaki nampak aku ni macam bole protect diri sendiri, x fragile. But the thing is aku same je macam perempuan lain. Cume physical appearance aku je mungkin lain sikit. </div>
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And aku realize aku ni sebenarnya agak physically strong. Xla sekuat lelaki tapi I'm stronger than any woman. Mungkin ini semua hasil daripada menolong bapa aku bekerja di sektor pembinaan. Haha...skema giler ayat. Dulu, aku rajin (rajin sebab terpaksa) tolong bapa aku angkat batu, cat dinding, angkat simen dan ada la lagi beberape bende lain. So kononnye drpd situ la aku dapat kekuatan aku. Ceh..haha..tapi walaupun aku buat kerja2 macam tu, bapa aku still xnak aku hilang kefemininan aku. Dia still akan suruh aku tolong mak aku and everything. I mean kerja2 yang biasa perempuan buat. Even pakaian pun, bapa aku xsuke kalau aku pakai seluar. Die prefer aku pakai baju kurung, skirt labuh ke. Semua yang labuh2 la. Cume anak die ni xdengar cakap. :p</div>
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So there you have it. Some of the reasons why am I still single. Aku x heran sebenarnya kalau all of my friends getting married first. It's okay, go ahead. Sebab jodoh masing2 da sampai. Xkan la aku nak stop plak kan? Jodoh aku pun akan sampai jugak tapi ini semua melibatkan ketentuan Allah dan juga masa. Lagipun, sekarang aku pun x stable lagi so kena stabilkan diri dulu, baru boleh fikir semua ini. Well, I know I will occasionally fikir tapi not all the time. Keje pun xde ni. Aduh.</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-91679748030273967822014-02-05T17:33:00.002+08:002014-02-05T17:33:41.826+08:00In Loving Memory of Tam<div style="text-align: justify;">
At this moment, I'm still grieving over my cat. It's been two days since its death. I had a lot of cats before this. And a lot of them already dead. I've buried some of them but mostly my father did. I felt sad too when they died but not to the extend of crying. Well, I've cried once because of cat but that because I saw the kitten was killed by a "cat intruder" in front of my eyes.</div>
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But this one. This one gave me the biggest impact in my life. To tell the truth, I still occasionally cry because of Tam. The reason is I saw the process of Tam's death and it broke my heart. It hurts my feeling a lot. Watching it struggling to its death, it's beyond words. It was in perfect health but three days before it's death, Tam started to lose appetite, just sat in one place and just drank water. I thought its just a common fever but apparently not.</div>
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3rd Feb 2014, around 11.20 pm, Tam was struggling until it caught its last breath. I can't stop crying that night. I've buried Tam in front of my house and I cried again. It's too unbearable. I've never cried so hard because of a person but this one? I can't contained my tears.</div>
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Watching Tam's death actually give me the insight that every living creature in this world will face the same thing; death. How about my way of death then?</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-66468633606974659722014-01-12T22:56:00.000+08:002014-01-12T22:56:00.255+08:00Perception...<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>CAUTION!! This post contains some statement that will offend some readers. Read at your own risk.</i></div>
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I'm working as a teacher at one of language center around Ampang. The job is easy, working hours are short and the salary is quite high. I have to teach a few Grade 3 and Grade 7's Korean students just for 5 hours. So, its great for me. When I write this post, I have just a few days left to finish my work there. Oh, this is a one-month job because this is some kind of English intensive program for them. They can speak English very well but for the other parts of English, well they have to improve that. So that's why they joined this intensive program.</div>
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The other thing is the students are Korean so I can (at last) say something in Korean to a native speaker. Aha! Well, I just knew a few words only but still, the students said I can speak well. Haha...I'm not bragging but it's the truth. I don't feel like I'm in Malaysia at all. </div>
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Well, that's some of the fun things there. But of course, there are some things that makes me uncomfortable with that place and Koreans. I will list down some of the questions that bother me so much and I can't help to let it run through my mind over and over again. This maybe controversial but I heard it with my own ears and some from my friend too. This is the result of observation of the students about Malaysia and Malays. Here goes:~</div>
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1. Why Malay people are so ugly? </div>
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2. Why Malay are not white?</div>
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3. Why there's a lot of fat people in Malaysia?</div>
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This is just some questions that my students asked. It offended me in a way. Because I'm Malay. Don't be surprised, they even told me I'm ugly, and I should do some plastic surgery on my face. I have just heard about how high standard Korean about appearance in Korea but I never thought that I will be one of the victim of this standard. Here. In Malaysia. </div>
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A few days ago, there are 1 new student enter the class but she's afraid. I'm not sure why. But the Grade 3 students said because of my face so ugly, that's why the student afraid to come to the class. It's hurt to hear that come out from a Grade 3's student. I neither ugly nor pretty, I'm plain. I've told I'm ugly a lot and I didn't bother about it at all but this?</div>
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Something more shocking was revealed just before I finished class on last Friday. Student A talked to student B in Korean when they are doing their work. But I can quite understand what they talked about. She's talking about her mother perception towards Malay (or Malaysia people, I'm not sure). Her mother said Malay are ugly people. See? How parents brainwashed their children about judging others appearance? No wonder the daughter also do the same.</div>
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This is racist. Okay2, I know. Maybe not all Koreans are like this. It's just the same like Malay. Some Malay are racist too. Even between Malaysian. But I never thought this is happening in front of me. I've been verbally abuse. There are some people there who didn't like me at all and hope to get rid of me as fast as they can. Well, good news. A few days more and I will be leaving that place.</div>
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I like K-pop. To get rid of my building hatred towards them, I watched lots of Korean variety show, music videos etc. That way, it will soothe a little. I want to work there a little longer. I'm sick of job-hunting but ah...I don't know. </div>
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I want to apologize for this post but I have to get rid this uneasy feeling that keep lingering around me. Let's make the world a better place for all of us. Peace~</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-7546176434907175832013-12-31T23:22:00.000+08:002013-12-31T23:22:59.994+08:00Teacher: It's hard!<div style="text-align: justify;">
Every job is hard in this world. Xde keje yang xsusah. Even jobless person pun akan rasa susah. Teacher. Yeah, teacher. Hard, very hard. Of course, ramai org akan kate "ah, banyak lagi keje yang lebih susah drpd cikgu" atau "ala, keje cikgu senang. pegi pagi, balik tengah hari. pastu, bile time cuti sekolah, bole cuti panjang, melancong bla bla bla". To tell you the truth, I HATE org yg cakap mcm nie. Nampak sangat xpaham skop kerja cikgu nie macam mana.</div>
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Apa yang aku cakap ni based on my experience. I've been in this teaching field for a few time and every time just for a short period. Even for short period, it's really hard. Nak tackle pelajar lagi, bagi kerja, mengajar, layan karenah yang berlainan and banyak la lagi. Sape yang pernah mengajar akan faham apa yang aku cakap ni. </div>
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Tipu la kalau aku kate sepanjang aku mengajar, aku x pernah menangis. I cried a lot. Bile aku fikir2 balik, berapa banyak air mata cikgu2 aku yang aku tumpahkan sepanjang diorang ajar aku? Too much I think. The teaching job is too hard sampai aku nak quit terus daripada jadi cikgu. Sebab apa? I'm not strong enough. X kisah la teori mengajar dapat score paling tinggi sekali pun, tapi bila da masuk sekolah/institusi pendidikan, teori tu hanya 10% je (bg aku) kite akan guna. The other 90% kena pandai2 cikgu la nak buat macam mana.</div>
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Lagi satu, aku takut sebenarnya. Katakanlah aku jadi cikgu. Tapi aku x sepenuh hati nak jadi cikgu. Pastu, bila aku ajar generasi tu, pastu generasi tu rosak disebabkan aku, xke haru? Cakap la apa yang korang nak cakap tapi I have to think far. Because I know myself too well maybe. I know my limits.</div>
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So, before the end of 2013, I want to say again; teaching is hard. To all my teachers and teachers around the world no matter what field are you, thank you so much for your patient in educate people. Without you, we can't discover and understand new things. </div>
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To 2014, I hope for the better this new year. Another year and I get a year older. Insya Allah semoga semuanya berjalan lancar pada tahun baru ini. Amin.</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-35784998847702688202013-12-02T22:09:00.000+08:002014-03-10T22:23:11.480+08:00Things happening too fast<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yes, for a few weeks, things happening too fast. Too fast sampai aku x sempat nak hadam. Why on earth this happening to me? Yes, it still happening.</div>
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Ok ceritanye. Selepas berhempas pulas (la sgt) mencari keje secara online selame 2 bulan, akhirnya aku dapat keje and pada 1 November, bermulalah tugas aku sebagai lecturer (geli plak aku menyebutnye) kat satu akademi dekat je ngan uma aku. Feeling excited, nervous sume ade la. Biase la. Kalau start keje je, mesti macam tu.</div>
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But things goes wrong 2 weeks ago. Bile salah seorang lecturer dipecat. The reason of termination tu aku x kesah sangat tapi the way diorang terminate was wrong. Supposely one week untuk terminate tapi this girl kene terminate immediately. Macam nak bagi die blah cepat2. Come on la. Pelik betul aku. </div>
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From that day, I never imagined that things will get worse day by day. Banyak da benti and a lot of scenes berlaku and I thank Allah sebab aku xpayah nak tengok scene tu. I hate fights. Hari nie memang the ultimate la sebab almost sumenye da benti. </div>
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And aku pun bakal menyusul x lame lagi. Aku suke keje kat situ sebab banyak interaction dengan foreigners and I like that. Tapi bile memikirkan apa yang terjadi, aku da xde hati nak keje kat situ. I hate looking at people's facial expression. Sebab aku akan ingat sampai bila2. Terutamanya facial expression yang menunjukkan rasa kurang senang. It's hard.</div>
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Aku tersepit sebenarnya. Nak berhenti atau nak stay. It's really really hard for me. Ah, kenape la jadi macam nie? Aku selalu ingatkan diri aku yang ini dugaan untuk aku. Sebagai pengajaran, sebagai pengalaman. Semoga aku boleh lalui keadaan nie. Amin.</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-56412303473469213922013-11-11T00:23:00.001+08:002013-11-11T00:23:28.808+08:00Food critics!<div style="text-align: justify;">
You know when people criticize you about something, they either want you to achieve better or they just like to critic. </div>
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Bagi aku, aku boleh terima kritikan. Well, most of the time, ade jugak yang aku x terima. Aku kan ego, keras kepala etc. Kritikan daripada orang luar selalu sangat aku ignore. Tapi bile aku fikir2 balik, ade jugak la aku fikir and aku amik utk perkembangan diri. Haha....boleh blah ayat aku?</div>
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But family members punye kritikan agak sukar jugak utk aku terima. Not all people boleh terima kritikan. it hurts you more deeply than other people yang kritik. So yeah.</div>
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The situation is like this. Aku da lame belajar (?) masak. Since aku form 4, 5 macam tu la. Aku pun x ingat. Before that time, aku xmasak la. Mak aku pun xbagi aku duduk dapur masa die masak. So, input tu aku dapat sikit je. Tapi bile mak aku da start sakit, bapak aku la yang masak untuk kitorang. Lame2, da beralih kepada aku plak peranan tu. </div>
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To tell you the truth, aku boleh masak tapi aku x pandai masak. "Boleh" dan "Pandai" adalah dua perkataan yang membawa dua maksud yang berbeza. Boleh masak x semestinye sedap. Dulu, aku xde la dengar complaint bagai. Tapi bile besar nie, maybe expectation makin tinggi so aku banyak terima kritikan. Kadang2 tu aku bengang jugak la. Haha...</div>
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Mana x bengang. Aku prefer kalau orang makan masakan aku, just keep the comment to themselves. Xpun, bagitau dalam manner la. Sometimes, aku rase malas nak masak. Sebabnye kritikan yang akan keluar. Haha...boleh plak macam tu kan. </div>
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Sebenarnye, aku jeles dengan orang yg ade bakat memasak. I mean orang yang jarang masuk dapur tapi bile die masak, masakan die tu menjadi. Oh sungguh jeles. Aku x macam tu. Ikut resepi pun xjadi jugak. Kalau sekali aku xkesah tapi da banyak kali. Sigh~</div>
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So, sile la jangan jadi macam aku. Sebabnye aku try nak improve sampai aku give up. But I will try to improve again, day by day. </div>
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p/s: malasnye nak keje esok. </div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-44304500234127596172013-11-02T18:15:00.000+08:002013-11-02T18:15:34.312+08:00Friends that you don't called friends.Hah, ade pulak macam tu? Mesti la ade. Actually, post title nie ade 2 sudut yang berbeza. Kalau yg fikir positif akan kate "oh kalau bukan friends, mesti anggap macam family". Kalau yang fikir negatif, "xlain da nie, mesti kawan makan kawan", xpun "kawan jadi musuh".(Psychology alert!)<br />
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Kalau aku baca statement macam post title aku nie, for sure aku akan fikir negatif dulu. Pastu, barulah aku fikir yang positif. Aku nie agak negatif orangnya. So, ape yang aku nak kate sebenarnya?<br />
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To tell you the truth, aku ade kawan yang type2 die positif dan negatif. Well, aku rase setiap orang mesti ade je kawan macam nie. Positif, well not so many. Ade la a few. Yang negatif quite a lot compare dengan yang positif. Yang negatif tu pulak merupakan antara yang agak lama jugak berkawan dengan aku.<br />
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Selama aku hidup 24 tahun nie, one of the things that I've learned is almost everyone in this world will always remember the bad things that people do to them. Good thing? Rarely remember by people. Laying forgotten somewhere maybe. <br />
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Aku x cakap aku baik. Sebab aku tau aku pun bukannye baik sangat. Ape orang kate? Macam angelic sangat. No no no. That's not me. Tapi aku sedang berusaha untuk tidak mengingat perbuatan jahat yang orang buat kat aku. Instead, I try to remember the good things that people have done for me.<br />
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So, bile ade kawan yang back stabbed kawan2 yg lain, it's quite hurt me actually. Aku pun jahat. Aku tau aku jahat. Kutuk2, ngumpat2. Tapi aku cube jugak sedaya upaya x kutuk kawan sendiri. Sebab kalau umur pun da sesuai nak beranak pinak tapi perangai macam budak2, xgune jugak. Tak matang dalam handle perselisihan faham. Sepatutnya umur perlu diikuti dengan kematangan. Seeing people like this, I guess not. masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-89052048271624086162013-10-22T17:45:00.001+08:002013-10-22T17:45:59.769+08:00Job Hunt: . . . . . . ?I have been job-hunting for the last couple of months until this very day. My job-hunting is basically on the internet so it is not physically tiring. But it really mentally tiring me. Never cross my mind that job-hunting can be this bloody difficult.<br />
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Checking emails, staring at phone for a long, long time every single day. I want to throw up seriously. Pastu, kena tipu lagi. Oh sape sangke melalui job application pun orang bole tipu. Sampai kene harass lagi.<br />
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Minx keje kerani pun xlepas. Xlayak katenye. Aduh. Nampaknye kene stop online job-hunting and kene start foot job-hunting. Xde sape nak bagi aku keje ke? Haha...kalau senang macam tu, xde orang yang jobless la. That's it for now.<br />
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p/s: banyak pahit drpd manis dalam job-hunting. masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7075977954318138438.post-49090455376944601132013-09-11T22:28:00.001+08:002013-09-11T22:28:21.639+08:004 and a half years: Memories? Experiences? Sure!<div style="text-align: justify;">
Merdeka baru je beberapa hari lepas dan x lama lagi Hari Malaysia. Haha...so ape kene mengene merdeka dengan aku? Sebab pada 30 Ogos, aku officially tamat pengajian, tamat praktikal dan tamat segala-galanya daripada 4 tahun pengajian di UUM! Tepuk tepuk tepuk!!!!</div>
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Kalau ditanya perasaan, of course la lega (kot). Pastu, rasa kosong sebab xde bende yang nak di looking forward. Hah, ble blah x ayat aku? Maksud aku looking forward kat sini macam nak masuk sem baru dan macam-macam lagi la. Lepas nie, xble da nak usha junior2 yang hensem (hehe..), pastu gelak kat junior yang skema pakai kasut tutup (sedangkan aku rase aku dulu pun kene gelak gak kot macam tu). Pastu, xble nak analyze junior macam mana, pastu gosip tentang couple yang selalu nampak lepak kat kafe dan sebagainya la.</div>
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Pastu, no more drama antara budak kohort (tett). I mean, come on la. Setiap sem mesti ade drama. Xkesah la secara persendirian, berduaan ataupun satu kohort-an. Well, I kind of miss that drama actually. Haha...pastu, no more gelak ketawa, gurau senda dengan kawan-kawan. Oh sedih la plak. Sob sob~~</div>
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One thing yang aku macam regret sikit la kot is mase kitorang menghitung hari-hari terakhir praktikal, aku x dapat jumpa semua budak batch aku untuk say goodbye. So, yeah, quite saddening me actually. And selama aku "berpisah" dengan orang, tears is a must. Not for me of course but for the other party. There must be a crying scene setiap kali "berpisah" dengan orang. Tapi yang peliknya, untuk penamatan pengajian nie, there are no tears at all. Maybe almost tears but there's no tears. Even kawan aku yang mudah menangis pun x menangis. So, I guess we are all grown ups. Haha...</div>
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Even one of the counselor kat tempat praktikal aku pun in state of denial. Bila nak berpisah dengan aku n Aimi (my best friend), dia kata "hangpa balik kampung ja kan? Bukannya x mai dah". Sebelum kitorang berpisah, die belanja kitorang makan. Dia cakap la ayat tadi. Pastu, macam pause sekejap. Pastu die cakap "kak anggap hangpa macam adik sendiri". Mase tu aku rase terharu dah. Aimi pun menahan air mata. I heard perkataan sayang banyak kali la jugak from friends and all, tapi bila dia cakap macam tu, it struck me quite emotionally. Btw, I got sensitive lately so tears can come out anytime.</div>
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So I think that will wrap up my conclusion for my 4 and a half years time in university and practical school. Sweet, bittersweet, bitter experiences that I've faced, yet it gave me the sweetest memories of all. </div>
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P/s : I don't think I have the capability to be a teacher. What a waste.</div>
masy ctahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00426625470522623622noreply@blogger.com0