My thoughts, my feelings, my....I don't know

WARNING! Ini merupakan post merepek sebelum tido.

X lame da lagi nak abis contract sebulan aku. Another 2 days and I will be out from there. Memang tempat keje yang terbaik pernah aku keje.

Aku cite pasal hari nie la. Aduh, start malam semalam sampai la hari ni, aku rase x sedap hati je. Aku ada anxiety sikit kot. Benci. Aku cukup benci anxiety. Aduh. Kenape aku anxiety? Sebab aku nak kene present amende yg aku buat sepanjang aku sebulan kat situ. But luckily, nasib baik aku go through dulu dgn bos kedua aku before presenting it to the other boss.

Oh yeah. Hari nie makan kat Hard Rock Cafe. People will say "So kalau makan kat Hard Rock, kesah ke?". Tapi aku kesah la sebab mahal seh. Nasib bukan aku yang bayar. Haha...makan kat Hard Rock nie untuk orang yang tolong2 mase family retreat ari tu. Aku xtolong pun dapat makan free. Ish2. Alhamdulillah, rezeki.

Oh before balik tadi, just like I said, kene go through amende yg aku buat tu. Sambil tu kene buat mock presentation depan die. Demm. She said something about "kesian you, kene buli dengan I" and I was like "Compare to you, the boys bullying me a lot". And something that she told me shocked me and I just can't get it out from my head. Well, for now. She said that the boys jarang buat mcm tu kat orang. Especially yang umo 36 thn tu. Sedangkan yg 36 thn nie yang paling kuat menyakat aku. Aduh. Sikit2 abang2. Aduh geli.

And I was like What?? Macam taken aback sikit la. And you know what's in my heart at that time when she told me? I feel a little guilty. Yeah, guilty. Sebab ape? Dekat office, diorang buat lawak ke, menyanyi ke, aku akan buat xtau. Macam totally ignore them. And macam2 la diorang buat nak bagi aku gelak. So that's why aku rase guilty tu. Sebab macam efforts diorang tu xde hasil.

And it makes me realize something else. Aku terfikir yang aku nie xde perasaan ke? Or aku nie xtau nak express my own feelings ke? As far as I know, I definitely know how to express my anger and annoyance. I have my own reason you know why aku buat xtau je. Aku xnak terikat emotionally dengan diorang. Because I know, once you are attached with somebody emotionally, it's hard when you have to let it go. It's hard for me to let go of somebody if the person/people makes me laugh a lot and makes me feel comfortable. I do realize it a lot. Oh demm.

Nasib baik la dua2 da kawin. Aku rase selamat sikit. Haha...lagipun, aku anggap macam abang2 aku. Aku ade extra abang plak sekarang nie. Hihi..

Agitated

Agigated. Yes, I am agitated right now. Baru nak sampai pertengahan minggu, nervousness aku semakin meningkat. Dengan interview x prepare ape lagi. Aduh, amende aku nak baca pun aku xtau.

And today. Yes today. Sigh~ dunia admin/korporat sungguh menakutkan. Scary. Museoyo. Hari nie hampir2 aku nak menangis. Sebab my nervousness almost reach its limit. Dateline tetibe, dengan pengetahuan excel yg kurang, rasa nak jerit, rasa nak nangis semahu2nya. Sampai aku xde feel nak baca langsung. Ape la nak jadi aku nie?

A lot of mistakes have been made today so yeah, nervous, takut semuanya ada. Sampai orang lain kene buat keje aku. How stupid I can be? I'm surprising myself. Pastu, nak baik2 dgn org lain, mcm malas plak. Nak beramah mesra bagai. Ah malasnye. Alone by myself la kat situ. 

I should be relax sbb aku baru like 3 or 4 days kat situ but still, people will expect a lot from me in the future. Of course la kan. Ah...sekarang nie aku kene fikir positif je. Setiap hari kene fikir positif and enjoy my work there. Do the best for myself. Orang situ semua baik2. Semua kebajikan aku diorg jaga, no problem. Tunjuk ajar apa yang perlu diajar, I'm glad. But at the same time, I'm afraid they will put a certain expectation on me. So yeah. Difficult. Negatifnya la aku nie. Apa2 pun, bertahanlah masy untuk sebulan. X lame dah. Sekejap je lagi. Be positive!

Busy week ahead! Full Board!

Yes, you read that correctly. Walaupun sekarang baru hari Sabtu tapi tension untuk minggu baru nie da terasa. Berdebar2, resah, gelisah, semua ada la sekarang nie.Amende yang busy sangat tu? (Kepoh 1 dunia lak kan?)

First. I will have my teacher's interview very very soon. Well, not as soon as my friends yang akan di interview this upcoming week.Tapi kenape aku kate very very soon? Sebab satu ape pun aku xbaca lagi! Oh no! And it makes me nervous, can't get it out of my head.

Second. I've got new job. I don't mind it's a temp job though but this job requires me to go back home quite late. Masuk keje kul 8.30, keluar 5.30. It's normal office hours right? In my case, maybe not. I have to stay maybe like an hour late just to make sure everything that the team's needs are fulfilled. Pastu, tunggu bas bagai plus jam, lebih kurang pukul 9 jugak la aku balik. So the dilemma is bila masenye aku nak study for that interview? Alhamdulillah, aku da settle beli blazer and cop bagai so ok la kan.

Third. On my very first day, I was told that the company will have some kind of family day kat Melaka. I was like what? And diorang kate aku wajib pegi. Ok xpe lagi. Pastu diorang kate that family day will be held from 22 until 24th (Saturday to Monday). My interview will be held on that Monday. I thought during that weekend, nak baca. But unfortunately, I won't have a lot of time to read I guess. T_T

Forth. Part of the program for the family day is dinner. So the theme they chose is gypsy. So where the hell I can find a gypsy outfit? Nak pakai yang berjuntai2 bagai tu? Oh no. Bencinye. Plus, extremely no money here. Tension aku. Nak cari kat kedai bundle, bila masenye aku nak cari? Hmm...nampaknye kene curi mase la untuk cari outfit tu. Sigh sigh sigh~

So yeah. This upcoming week will be a busy one. Lagipun, untuk prepare that family day, kene prepare banyak benda so I as one of the temporary executive assistant there, have to help them doing the preparation. So yeah, wish me good luck. It's been a long time since I had a busy week. Masy gambattene!