Entah la

Officially, my contract ends by today. Well, physically, semalam la aku abis contract. To be honest, aku ade mixed feelings. Sad is definite, and miss them already. Haha...funny kan? Aku seriously bukan jenis nak miss2 orang nie. Except my family and home. Tapi diorang nie memang exceptional. Workplace okay, orang pun okay. Tapi memandangkan bidang aku pun xde kene mengene dengan company tu and responsibility aku kat situ pun da selesai, so xde point lagi aku bekerja kat situ. It's okay la. At least, aku dapat pengalaman bekerja yang berharga and lain daripada yang lain. Ok fine. Skema.

Okay, this is off topic. I do realize yang aku cepat flutter. Bukan sekali dua aku caught off guard diri sendiri tengah flutter. Nak kate aku xsedar, aku memang fully aware yang aku nie cepat flutter. Dulu aku macam xperasan sangat tapi sejak masuk U, aku perasan la condition aku nie. Aku seriously HATE ade condition macam nie. Ramai akan kate aku nie xtau bersyukur. Tak. Aku memang bersyukur. Sebab aku masih ade perasaan. Tapi bile fluttering feeling tu datang, it will be extremely uncomfortable. Aku jadi xsenang duduk. Maybe walaupun tengah gelak2 dengan kawan2 or family, still fikiran aku akan ligat berpusing. Asyik nak fikir je tentang fluttering feeling tu.

For my condition/problem nie, aku ade solution. Bukan xde, memang ade. It takes me a little hard to accept but it is effective. Let's say I like someone but I don't want to like him because I think that he's nicer than me. I want to erase that feeling from my heart. So I have to wait. Wait for some news that can break my heart and prevent my heart to continue love him. Seems easy right? Not really. Still pain in the ass. But it really does bring me back to reality.

That's what happened when your heart and your mind are not in the same pace. When my mind is ready to let go that feeling, my heart refuse. It's hard to satisfy the heart. So the only solution is some heart-breaking news have to be heard. Sad but true.That's the only way.

Tetibe aku teringat kate2 kakak aku. Die kate aku nie takut dengan lelaki. Ke xsuke lelaki ntah. Something like that la. Bukan la die maksudkan tu nafsu aku songsang ke ape. Tapi bile die tengok perangai aku, die rase aku nie macam xsuke lelaki. Aku extremely suke lelaki. Ok, confession giler. Tapi aku normal. Cume aku keep saying to myself "Belum tibe masenye untuk aku ade relationship".

I'm not craving for a relationship right now tau tapi for unknown reason, my heart is fluttering right now. And I hate it. I need some heart breaking news from him or sape2 la yang berkenaan. Nak lupekan, it takes time. So kene busykan diri la nampaknye.

In b4, org keje klcc byk hensem2 tapi xble nak minat sbb xtau da kawin ke x. Demm~