My thoughts, my feelings, my....I don't know

WARNING! Ini merupakan post merepek sebelum tido.

X lame da lagi nak abis contract sebulan aku. Another 2 days and I will be out from there. Memang tempat keje yang terbaik pernah aku keje.

Aku cite pasal hari nie la. Aduh, start malam semalam sampai la hari ni, aku rase x sedap hati je. Aku ada anxiety sikit kot. Benci. Aku cukup benci anxiety. Aduh. Kenape aku anxiety? Sebab aku nak kene present amende yg aku buat sepanjang aku sebulan kat situ. But luckily, nasib baik aku go through dulu dgn bos kedua aku before presenting it to the other boss.

Oh yeah. Hari nie makan kat Hard Rock Cafe. People will say "So kalau makan kat Hard Rock, kesah ke?". Tapi aku kesah la sebab mahal seh. Nasib bukan aku yang bayar. Haha...makan kat Hard Rock nie untuk orang yang tolong2 mase family retreat ari tu. Aku xtolong pun dapat makan free. Ish2. Alhamdulillah, rezeki.

Oh before balik tadi, just like I said, kene go through amende yg aku buat tu. Sambil tu kene buat mock presentation depan die. Demm. She said something about "kesian you, kene buli dengan I" and I was like "Compare to you, the boys bullying me a lot". And something that she told me shocked me and I just can't get it out from my head. Well, for now. She said that the boys jarang buat mcm tu kat orang. Especially yang umo 36 thn tu. Sedangkan yg 36 thn nie yang paling kuat menyakat aku. Aduh. Sikit2 abang2. Aduh geli.

And I was like What?? Macam taken aback sikit la. And you know what's in my heart at that time when she told me? I feel a little guilty. Yeah, guilty. Sebab ape? Dekat office, diorang buat lawak ke, menyanyi ke, aku akan buat xtau. Macam totally ignore them. And macam2 la diorang buat nak bagi aku gelak. So that's why aku rase guilty tu. Sebab macam efforts diorang tu xde hasil.

And it makes me realize something else. Aku terfikir yang aku nie xde perasaan ke? Or aku nie xtau nak express my own feelings ke? As far as I know, I definitely know how to express my anger and annoyance. I have my own reason you know why aku buat xtau je. Aku xnak terikat emotionally dengan diorang. Because I know, once you are attached with somebody emotionally, it's hard when you have to let it go. It's hard for me to let go of somebody if the person/people makes me laugh a lot and makes me feel comfortable. I do realize it a lot. Oh demm.

Nasib baik la dua2 da kawin. Aku rase selamat sikit. Haha...lagipun, aku anggap macam abang2 aku. Aku ade extra abang plak sekarang nie. Hihi..